change to growth

 In 5th grade, I vividly remember overhearing my high school friend talking about her recent SAT test. It was a surprisingly chilly Saturday in August, and we were at a dinner party when I saw her fully surrounded by people. There were uncles, aunties, teenagers, and even kids hearing her ramble on what seemed nonsensical to me, why bother stressing over a test when there is food!

In 7th grade, I was once again exposed to the SAT as more and more people around me were taking the test. I thought those teenagers were so cool,  and I looked up to them for taking such a difficult exam, but I knew I had a long time before that happened to me. 

Flash forward to my first SAT test in the August of my junior year of high school and I was pondering over everything I have done building up to this point, and on the way to the school I was taking my test at, I recollected how much I have grown as a person. My mentality shifted, I was no longer the little girl with two pigtails running around. I was now someone who that little girl looked up to. At this point of my life, I  had grown to be someone not afraid of change and also someone not afraid to look back. I had evolved and progressed into someone I thought would not happen for a long time

This mini reflection on my twenty minute car ride served as a monumental start of my journey of self-reflecting. Many find it difficult to do a self-reflection on something other than how they did on an assignment or something tangible as such, and while that may be me at times, I grew to love staring at my bedroom ceiling and just thinking. I grew to look forward to going back to those moments I felt embarrassed or fearful, because anything that scared me back then is what aided me in my growth now. I have learnt to fully embrace the unknown and take that step of faith. 

Now, if you told that little girl with the pigtails to face her fears, she would've rolled her eyes at you and run away. And  I might even do that now. But I have grasped that the biggest change can only come from yourself, a desire to grow. As we approach the college app deadlines, I have learnt to emulate the qualities that seemed so ordinary. The process of applying to college is not just a series of forms and deadlines; it the continuation of the journey I began years ago.

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